New Advice, New Deadline, (Still) No Sleep

It's crucial that before I begin, I post a HOT PICTURE of my husband. You know, before he develops the fear of me leaving him for a Hot British Actor. Or the fear of me leaving him to stalk a Hot British Actor.

Jarrod (center), looking hot

See honey? I still love you best.

Moving on . . .

So you'll NEVER EVER GUESS IN A MILLION BILLION YEARS what I'm going to talk about today. (But I'll give you three chances.)


1) Unicorns?

Not even close!


2) Turtleneck sweaters?

Not for another month!


3) That the Krebs cycle is a cycle of enzyme-catalyzed reactions in living cells that is the final series of reactions of aerobic metabolism of carbohydrates, proteins, and fatty acids, and by which carbon dioxide is produced, oxygen is reduced, and ATP is formed?

Um . . . cough . . . what?


Give up?

REVISIONS!!!!!

Yes, I am still revising my novel. Yes, my deadline was Monday. Yes, I have a new deadline.

But I'm not as depressed as you'd think. In fact, I'm not sad at all. I didn't hit my goal, but for the first time in my life, I know there is nothing NOTHING more I could have done to reach it. I've realized the previous goal was an impossible one because:

I. Have. Worked. My. Butt. Off.

(Actually, my butt is still technically "on." Thank goodness. But it's getting lumpy from the lack of exercise. I should do something about that.)

I have never worked harder. Ever. For the last three weeks, my bedtime has been 4:00 am. My health is wrecked, my friends have forgotten what I look like, and I am totally out of underwear. Seriously. Someone needs to do the laundry. My vote? The dogs. They've been slacking.

Slackers.

But I've also never felt better about my work. I'm proud of myself. And now I have a reasonable idea of how much longer it'll really take to finish this draft.

I'm halfway through revisions, so I'm putting three more weeks back on the clock. So yeah. If you were looking forward to me talking about something other than writing this month, you are going to be disappointed.

I'm kind of obsessed.

My official new deadline is September 30th. Which means October 1st, my Super Awesome Writer Feedback Crew will be mailed/hand-delivered full manuscripts.

Prepare yourself Super Awesome Writer Feedback Crew! (AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.) I will be harassing you this October!

Anyway. On to the good stuff! Writing advice!

Well, it's good stuff if you're a writer. Otherwise you're skimming right now for Hot British Actors. In which case, I apologize. I'm shirking my duties.

What would you say to this?

Clive Owen. I knew you wouldn't mind.

Bit of Advice #1 -- Match Word Choice to Theme

Recently I recommended a book here called The Sugar Queen by Sarah Addison Allen. One of the things that impressed me was how she took her theme of sweets and applied it directly to her word choice (without overdoing it). Take these delicious morsels from the first chapter:

the protagonist has "curly, licorice-black hair"
"a fine sheen of sugary frost" covers her windows
"If she could eat the cold air, she would. She thought cold snaps were like cookies, like gingersnaps."

I love the idea of taking the theme and/or plot of a book (or a chapter or a scene), and enhancing it via word choice. So you aren't just talking about the character's relationship with candy (this one hides it in her closet), but you're actually sweetening the text itself. Does that make sense?

Speaking of candy.

I remembered The Sugar Queen last weekend, because I was working on a scene that took place inside a pâtisserie in France. And I didn't want to just describe a bunch of desserts (though I did that too, and gladly), I wanted the feeling of the entire chapter to be sweet (especially since the subject matter being discussed in the shop was NOT sweet -- and I needed a balance). So what did I do?

I got out a cookbook.

Yep. I spent twenty minutes cruising through the dessert section of Deborah Madison's Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone, making a list of every baking verb, adjective, and noun I could find. Then I went back into my chapter to see what AVERAGE words I could replace with my new FANCY words. Here are a few of the results:

-- chandelier crystals changed from "topaz" colored to "honey"
-- wind "whipped" (instead of "blew") through the shop
-- the glass rings on someone's fingers resembled "spun sugar"
-- a woman's glare turned from "dirty" to "frosty"

Not huge differences, but it pleased me.

On a related note, I've also heard about spicing up your prose by stealing verbs from the sports section of the newspaper. Love this idea!

And I'm also big on name-stealing. Every time I pass by a graveyard or cemetery, I can't help but jot down a few of the more unusual names inside. And I love watching movie credits, especially during foreign films -- lots of cool names hide in the those credits! Look for them.

What unusual places do you steal words from? (I'm especially interested in advice regarding the tactile and scented. I have difficulties remembering to keep these two senses in my work.)

No clever caption. Just completely unrelated Sin City hotness.

Bit of Advice #2 -- Use Your Nose

Speaking of scents . . . I have a really weird/embarrassing writing trick I'd like to share with you now. I mean it's really weird, so stick with me for a moment while I try to explain. And don't scoff too loudly, because I can hear you all the way from here.

I used to suffer from 40 Minute Warm-Up Syndrome. Meaning it took forty minutes minimum before my brain and fingers began making love on the keyboard, and words would enter my blank Word documents. FORTY MINUTES! That's a lot of wasted time. So I got to thinking about how I could -- pardon the barfy sports analogy -- "get in the zone" faster.

What would jog my memory? How could I zap myself back into my novel in less time?

Well. You know how the smell of mothballs reminds you of Grandma's church clothes? Or the smell of rotten eggs makes you think of Yellowstone National Park? Or the smell of stinky cat litter reminds you of that one friend you had growing up? The one with the really really gross house?

I made a scent for my novel. But not an icky scent. A pleasant one.

My magic formula is as follows:

Orbit Citrusmint Gum + Lychee Rose Body Creme = Novel

So in other words, every time I sit down to work, I slather on the rose-scented lotion and pop a piece of orange-flavored gum. And the amazing thing is, my warm up time has gone from forty long, excruciating, dead minutes to . . . none.

NONE.

Oh yeah. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW???

My nose goes "sniff sniff" and my brain goes "Oh, that's right. We're doing this thing now." Which doesn't mean the first bits I start writing are brilliant (they aren't), but at least I'm writing something. I plan on using this technique for, oh I dunno, THE REST OF MY LIFE. Seriously, from now on, each novel I write will have its own unique scent.

I'm thinking apple-scented lotion next. I don't know why.

"Stephanie? Are you almost done blogging? It's bedtime."

(Just one more, sweetie! Be there soon!)


Bit of Advice #3 -- Inspiration via Music

This is another trick I use when I'm stuck. Never underestimate the power of a good song.

What do I mean?

Well, say you're writing a kissing scene. (Because I like kissing scenes.) And the kissing is nice and all but . . . not anything to get hot and bothered about. In fact, right now your kiss is as chaste as an "inspirational" Amish Wanda Brunstetter novel (don't get me started -- okay, maybe a little bit -- why the heck would I want to read A LOVE STORY without any of the good bits? Is she crazy??).

Anyway.

So you need to up the hot factor, but you're not feeling it. Maybe you had a rough day at work. Maybe you just cleaned cat vomit off your favorite pair of shoes. Maybe -- and this is PURELY HYPOTHETICAL -- you haven't showered in three days. So what do you do?

Make a playlist.

Put together every sexy, romantic song you think of and start listening. Pretty soon, something's gonna happen to your characters. That kiss is going to start sparking. No, that kiss is going to start shooting FLAMES.

Why wasn't King Arthur more popular? Keira Knightley and Clive Owen DID THIS.

I make a playlist for every scene I write. I think about what emotion I want it to carry, and I find the music I feel best represents it. And not only that, but I have emergency playlists, for more generic needs, scenes, and situations.

Quick! Was the main character just dumped? Let's whip out the "Depressed" playlist! Is she fighting with her best friend? Put on the "Pissed!"

Eventually SOMETHING will inspire me, whether it's a pulsing rhythm carried through the guitars or a pointed lyric that packs a certain punch.

Now, I won't bore you with my playlists. "Sexy" to me probably does not equal "sexy" to you (unless we are talking about Clive Owen, obviously, who is NOT music, but if he were, would spontaneously combust your speakers).

But I do have one that's done me good this week. A flexible one, that can be used in many situations since it's instrumental -- the Atonement soundtrack. (I'm doing everything I can NOT to post a picture of James McAvoy right now. Oh, screw it. It's my blog. I can do what I like.)




Anyway.

If you don't remember what the music sounded like, check out the beginning of the trailer as a reminder.





Hear that cool typewriter noise? Yeah. It's on the soundtrack. I mean (nerd alert), HOW FREAKING COOL IS IT to write to TYPEWRITER music! Last weekend, I used it to kick myself out of least five different slumps. Genius.

By the way, the music was composed by the fabulous fabulous fabulous Dario Marianelli. He had previously worked with the director, Joe Wright, for the AMAZING Pride & Prejudice score. (No, Stephanie! Don't do it! ARGGHHHHH!)




This is why I should not blog late at night.

ANYWAY. What I was trying to say was that Marianelli won the Academy Award for the Atonement soundtrack, and rightfully so. That was it.

Where was I?

"Go to bed, Stephanie."

In conclusion, if you are stuck, don't be afraid to try silly things! Open up cookbooks. Spritz on cucumber body spray. Listen to music.

No one ever has to know.

(Unless you insist on blogging about it against your own better judgment.)

Hurrah for Me (and BBC's North & South!)

My new boyfriend. He is very moody. I'll get to him later.

Monday was a Very Important Day. Not only was it Tanabata, one of my favorite holidays (any excuse to make a wish!), but it was also the self-imposed due date for my latest novel. Just a new draft, mind you, but still a reaaaally big deal. I used to say, "Oh, I'm a WRITER. You can't push CREATIVITY. No deadlines for me, thank you vurry much."

This, of course, is total hooey.

Who was I kidding? In school, I did every project at the very last moment. Why did I ever think I could write a novel without deadlines? And why did it take me so long to realize this?

And here is the scariest bit. Because I have the scarlet "U" upon my chest ("unpublished"), the only person in the world who will assign a deadline to me is . . . me. And the only person who will ensure that deadline is reached is . . . me.

Can I tell you that is a lot of pressure on . . . me?

Yikes!

So reaching this goal was a huge, huge wonderful thing. It's hard to describe how amazing it was to print out my novel and feel the weight of it in my hands and be able to TOUCH this thing that's been in my head for so long. I had a reaaally rough draft completed several months ago, but now it's BIG and REAL and NOVEL-SHAPED.

And now I have two lovely weeks of vacation from it, until I have to dive in again with revisions. So I'm starting my new novel (yay!), and drafting a query and synopsis, and spending many many hours . . . sitting in front of my television.

Which is -- sadly -- not that unusual for me. The difference? Now I don't have to feel guilty about it! For two weeks! WOO HOO!

This is what I've been watching:




Did you know Keira Knightley made a Robin Hood movie? Well, she did. It was a made-for-tv Disney production called Princess of Thieves, and it was her first starring role. And yes, it's cheesy. And no, this was NOT the first time I've seen it. I have a life-long love affair with the Robin Hood legend, and I love Keira, and it's always fun to indulge one's guilty pleasures, no?

And it really is good, all Disney/made-for-tv-things considered.




The Ruby in the Smoke, based on Philip Pullman's novel. My main motivation in viewing this was MORE MR. TILNEY. Did it deliver? Ah, most excellently. A fun film with Victorian murders and shipwrecks and stolen jewels.

And Mr. Tilney.

The big surprise was Julie Walters AKA Molly Weasley, who made a fantastic, terrifying villain. They're airing it again on PBS this September, along with the second offering in the series, The Shadow in the North. Yippee!




Missed a few episodes of The Office this year, due to that pesky novel thing I've been working on. All caught up now! Sooooo hilarious, as always. And, seriously, if NBC does anything to mess with Jim and Pam's relationship, I will be CRUSHED. I'm terrified they'll make things rocky and unstable for them when there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON.

They are PERFECT for each other, you hear me NBC? Resist the temptation! Let them be!

I am so scared.




And lastly -- THE GREATEST THING OF ALL -- North & South.

Have you seen this yet??? I'd heard about it, but silly me, assumed it had something to do with the American Civil War. Only last week was it brought to my attention that it's actually a BRITISH PERIOD ROMANCE!

EEK! North & South is SO. FREAKING. AWESOME!!!

It has all of the right elements -- a handsome, brooding gentleman, a feisty heroine, and TONS of passionate "oh I hate him/oh I love him" scenes. I don't want to spoil the plot here, so I'll just say the script was fantastic and made me kick and squeal and rewind many, many times.

It was an instant I MUST GO BUY THIS MOVIE kind of movie.

Mr. Thornton, brooding passionately, as per usual

And let's face it. It had, like, one of the greatest kissing scenes EVER.




And you know how I feel about kissing.

The other amazing thing was that not only was it one of the greatest love stories I've run across, it was also this incredibly complex, fascinating look at mill towns and unions and the class system. And the supporting cast was SO talented, and all of the characters were full and multi-faceted and interesting. I got so much more from this than I would have imagined, and now I can't WAIT to read Elizabeth Gaskell's novel.

So if you haven't seen it, rent it!

And if you HAVE seen it . . . let's talk about Mr. Thornton, shall we?

In Which You Learn The Real Reason I Read So Many Books & I Create Another List

Let's get superficial. What do the above novels have in common? I mean, besides being: (A) Awesome, (B) Books I Own, and (C) Awesome.

Think about it for a moment. Give up?

CUTE BOYS.

Oh, yeah. I said it.

As my very good-natured husband will attest, the first thing I do when reading a book jacket is determine if there will be kissing. What? I say, holding the latest Oprah pick. No kissing?

WHAT IS THE POINT OF A BOOK WITHOUT KISSING??

None. Zero. Zip. That's what.

Okay. Obviously, that's not completely true, but still - the love story is the major factor I consider when choosing my next reading material. And I'm not talking about bodice-ripping, nipple-tweaking romance, I'm talking about TRUE LOVE.

And what is true love without a beautiful boy? A really, really beautiful hot boy? A really, really beautiful hot boy who hopefully has a lot of page time?

So, without further ado, please allow me to present:


STEPHANIE'S TOP TEN HOTTEST HOTTIES IN LITERATURE

(That's right. Hottest hotties.)


Runner Up Hottie - Gogu (Wildwood Dancing)



I sooo wanted to put Gogu in my Top Ten, but as he's actually a frog, it seemed unfair to the other candidates to be ranked with an amphibian. But trust me, Gogu? TOTALLY HOT. If you have any interest in fairy tale retellings, and if you like cute boys (who may or may not happen to have suction cup toes), read this book! One of my absolute all-time favorites.


#10 - Robbie Turner (Atonement)


I'd like to say the fact that Robbie Turner is on my list has NOTHING TO DO with James McAvoy, but that's probably not true. Still, the fact remains that Ian McEwan (one of only two male authors on this list, hmm) created an amazing romantic novel with a tortured, passionate boy who never, ever, ever stops lusting after his True Love. Even when her family is crazy and sends him to jail. Even when the Germans are trying to kill him in the trenches. Even when . . . well, I don't want to ruin the surprise, now do I?


#9 - Shrimp (Gingerbread series)


Shrimp is a pint-sized artist, spiky-haired surfer, owner of a mini Nestle Crunch bar tattoo, and the love of Cyd Charisse's life. Too bad they just can't seem to make it work. Shrimp is probably the most flawed boy on my list - he refuses to play nice with her brother and he flies away frequently and without notice - but Shrimp always comes back. He keeps trying. Like the main character, he's grown and matured throughout the series and that, my friends, is hot. Soul Mate City.


#8 - Stephen Colly (I Capture the Castle)


Stephen, Stephen, Stephen! Your passionate declarations to Cassandra on pp. 251-253 had me weeping. WEEPING. No boy in literature has ever done that to me before or since. I would give you much a higher ranking had only your feelings been reciprocated. I'm so sorry.


#7 - Remus Lupin (Harry Potter series)


I realize it's much cooler to be in love with Sirius Black or, I don't know, HARRY, but alas, it's the werewolf in the shabby clothing who stole my heart. He's just so nice. And I don't see nice often enough. He's the first person who shows genuine kindness towards Neville Longbottom (not from guilt or obligation), and he's the first person Harry learns was friends with his parents.

Tonks totally knew where it was at.


#6 - Joe Kavalier (The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay)


Tortured artists! What is it with girls and tortured artists? I don't know, but I totally fell for this one. This book was so amazing and epic and cool, and I dreamed of Joe for like six months afterwards. No exaggeration. Wish I could give more details here, but it's been a few years since I've read it. About time I read it again.


#5 - Jamie Fraser - and Fergus! (Outlander series)


That gravestone says "Clan Fraser" if you can't read it. Creepy, yes, but also the most appropriate picture I could find. So three words best describe James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser: Loyalty. Passion. Kilt.

Who cares if he can't hum a tune, or if he's a wee bit overprotective? He's JAMIE. And when the bad guys have kidnapped you and are threatening rape and death, you'd better believe he's going to find you. And destroy the bad guys. Violently.

And, I'm cheating here, but I have to mention Fergus too. When he reappears inside the brothel in Voyager, he's described like some kind of handsome, wild French pirate. Hello. Who cares if he only has one hand? He clearly only needs one to get down to business.


#4 - Jesse de Silva (Mediator series)


So before you accuse me of creating this post just to get another picture of Gael Garcia Bernal on my blog, hear me out. I once read that Meg Cabot based Jesse de Silva, looks-wise, on Gael. And to this I'd like to say - HOLLYWOOD. HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS HAPPEN?

Jesse is the hot ghost who has been haunting Carmel, CA for the last 150 years. Suze is the mediator who can see and talk to ghosts. They fall in love, but naturally, it's a little hard to date a ghost who no one else can see. Who also happens to live in your bedroom. The romantic tension in this series is sooo good, and I can't be the only girl who faints with delight every time Jesse says, "Querida."


#3 - Michael Moscovitz (Princess Diaries series)


Meg Cabot has this romantic hero thing down pat. Jesse and Michael flip back and forth in my mind as favorite, but since I just finished Princess Mia (the last two in this series have been SO GOOD), Michael Moscovitz takes the edge today. Smart (he's building a robotic surgical arm in Japan), nerdy (loves Star Wars and Buffy), and rock and roll (he had a band for several years called Skinner Box), Michael is a Super-Hottie.

Robert Schwartzman/Carmine (Jason's younger brother), lead singer of uber-cool band Rooney, played him in the movie. I totally approve of this, even though the plot is way different from the books.


#2 - Edward Cullen (Twilight series)

Sorry. No pictures. I've seen a few from the movie, and I'm quite skeptical. I mean, I'm sorry. Cedric Diggory is NOT Edward Cullen. I would have liked to have been present for the casting session.

CASTING DIRECTOR: "We think you'll like this next one, Stephanie. He's been ranked as the most attractive person on the planet for the last three years and counting."

ME: "Yes, but does his skin glitter?"

(But if you're curious, check out the Twilight footage here. I'm still totally seeing it, despite my reservations.)

Anyway. Onto the REAL EDWARD. The most beautiful hundred-year-old boy with marble cold skin ever (sorry, Jesse). Who happens to be a vampire. Who thirsts for the blood of one girl.

Just one.

And THAT'S why he's hot. If he Edward wanted a piece of everyone, he'd be just another Anne Rice wannabe. But there's only one girl in the last century who has ever challenged his morality. Bella Swan. And what girl wouldn't risk her neck - pun most definitely intended - for immortality with Edward Cullen?


#1 - Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)


Who else?

I mean, really. Come on.

There's not even much I can say here other than this:
OH MY GOD MR DARCY IS SO FREAKING HOT AND HE'S ALL STUFFY AND UPTIGHT AND RUDE BUT HE'S REALLY NOT HE'S JUST SHY. AND HOT. TOTALLY HOT. DID I MENTION HOW HOT MR DARCY IS???

I could have filled this whole countdown with Men of Austen, so here are my other favorites: Mr. Knightley (Emma), Henry Tilney (Northanger Abbey), and Colonel Brandon (Sense and Sensibility).

Col. Brandon = the Remus Lupin of Jane Austen, FYI.

But back to Mr. Darcy. AHHHHH!! Squeeeeal! Mr. Darcy Mr. Darcy Mr. Darcy!

YES!!!!!!!!!

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So. Now that I've embarrassed myself -- but not really, because I'd totally do it again, just to have an excuse to spend another evening thinking about The Cute Boys of Literature -- who are your favorites?