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5.01.2008

In Which You Learn The Real Reason I Read So Many Books & I Create Another List


Let's get superficial. What do the above novels have in common? I mean, besides being: (A) Awesome, (B) Books I Own, and (C) Awesome.

Think about it for a moment. Give up?

CUTE BOYS.

Oh, yeah. I said it.

As my very good-natured husband will attest, the first thing I do when reading a book jacket is determine if there will be kissing. What? I say, holding the latest Oprah pick. No kissing?

WHAT IS THE POINT OF A BOOK WITHOUT KISSING??

None. Zero. Zip. That's what.

Okay. Obviously, that's not completely true, but still - the love story is the major factor I consider when choosing my next reading material. And I'm not talking about bodice-ripping, nipple-tweaking romance, I'm talking about TRUE LOVE.

And what is true love without a beautiful boy? A really, really beautiful hot boy? A really, really beautiful hot boy who hopefully has a lot of page time?

So, without further ado, please allow me to present:


STEPHANIE'S TOP TEN HOTTEST HOTTIES IN LITERATURE

(That's right. Hottest hotties.)


Runner Up Hottie - Gogu (Wildwood Dancing)



I sooo wanted to put Gogu in my Top Ten, but as he's actually a frog, it seemed unfair to the other candidates to be ranked with an amphibian. But trust me, Gogu? TOTALLY HOT. If you have any interest in fairy tale retellings, and if you like cute boys (who may or may not happen to have suction cup toes), read this book! One of my absolute all-time favorites.


#10 - Robbie Turner (Atonement)


I'd like to say the fact that Robbie Turner is on my list has NOTHING TO DO with James McAvoy, but that's probably not true. Still, the fact remains that Ian McEwan (one of only two male authors on this list, hmm) created an amazing romantic novel with a tortured, passionate boy who never, ever, ever stops lusting after his True Love. Even when her family is crazy and sends him to jail. Even when the Germans are trying to kill him in the trenches. Even when . . . well, I don't want to ruin the surprise, now do I?


#9 - Shrimp (Gingerbread series)


Shrimp is a pint-sized artist, spiky-haired surfer, owner of a mini Nestle Crunch bar tattoo, and the love of Cyd Charisse's life. Too bad they just can't seem to make it work. Shrimp is probably the most flawed boy on my list - he refuses to play nice with her brother and he flies away frequently and without notice - but Shrimp always comes back. He keeps trying. Like the main character, he's grown and matured throughout the series and that, my friends, is hot. Soul Mate City.


#8 - Stephen Colly (I Capture the Castle)


Stephen, Stephen, Stephen! Your passionate declarations to Cassandra on pp. 251-253 had me weeping. WEEPING. No boy in literature has ever done that to me before or since. I would give you much a higher ranking had only your feelings been reciprocated. I'm so sorry.


#7 - Remus Lupin (Harry Potter series)


I realize it's much cooler to be in love with Sirius Black or, I don't know, HARRY, but alas, it's the werewolf in the shabby clothing who stole my heart. He's just so nice. And I don't see nice often enough. He's the first person who shows genuine kindness towards Neville Longbottom (not from guilt or obligation), and he's the first person Harry learns was friends with his parents.

Tonks totally knew where it was at.


#6 - Joe Kavalier (The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay)


Tortured artists! What is it with girls and tortured artists? I don't know, but I totally fell for this one. This book was so amazing and epic and cool, and I dreamed of Joe for like six months afterwards. No exaggeration. Wish I could give more details here, but it's been a few years since I've read it. About time I read it again.


#5 - Jamie Fraser - and Fergus! (Outlander series)


That gravestone says "Clan Fraser" if you can't read it. Creepy, yes, but also the most appropriate picture I could find. So three words best describe James Alexander Malcolm Mackenzie Fraser: Loyalty. Passion. Kilt.

Who cares if he can't hum a tune, or if he's a wee bit overprotective? He's JAMIE. And when the bad guys have kidnapped you and are threatening rape and death, you'd better believe he's going to find you. And destroy the bad guys. Violently.

And, I'm cheating here, but I have to mention Fergus too. When he reappears inside the brothel in Voyager, he's described like some kind of handsome, wild French pirate. Hello. Who cares if he only has one hand? He clearly only needs one to get down to business.


#4 - Jesse de Silva (Mediator series)


So before you accuse me of creating this post just to get another picture of Gael Garcia Bernal on my blog, hear me out. I once read that Meg Cabot based Jesse de Silva, looks-wise, on Gael. And to this I'd like to say - HOLLYWOOD. HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS HAPPEN?

Jesse is the hot ghost who has been haunting Carmel, CA for the last 150 years. Suze is the mediator who can see and talk to ghosts. They fall in love, but naturally, it's a little hard to date a ghost who no one else can see. Who also happens to live in your bedroom. The romantic tension in this series is sooo good, and I can't be the only girl who faints with delight every time Jesse says, "Querida."


#3 - Michael Moscovitz (Princess Diaries series)


Meg Cabot has this romantic hero thing down pat. Jesse and Michael flip back and forth in my mind as favorite, but since I just finished Princess Mia (the last two in this series have been SO GOOD), Michael Moscovitz takes the edge today. Smart (he's building a robotic surgical arm in Japan), nerdy (loves Star Wars and Buffy), and rock and roll (he had a band for several years called Skinner Box), Michael is a Super-Hottie.

Robert Schwartzman/Carmine (Jason's younger brother), lead singer of uber-cool band Rooney, played him in the movie. I totally approve of this, even though the plot is way different from the books.


#2 - Edward Cullen (Twilight series)

Sorry. No pictures. I've seen a few from the movie, and I'm quite skeptical. I mean, I'm sorry. Cedric Diggory is NOT Edward Cullen. I would have liked to have been present for the casting session.

CASTING DIRECTOR: "We think you'll like this next one, Stephanie. He's been ranked as the most attractive person on the planet for the last three years and counting."

ME: "Yes, but does his skin glitter?"

(But if you're curious, check out the Twilight footage here. I'm still totally seeing it, despite my reservations.)

Anyway. Onto the REAL EDWARD. The most beautiful hundred-year-old boy with marble cold skin ever (sorry, Jesse). Who happens to be a vampire. Who thirsts for the blood of one girl.

Just one.

And THAT'S why he's hot. If he Edward wanted a piece of everyone, he'd be just another Anne Rice wannabe. But there's only one girl in the last century who has ever challenged his morality. Bella Swan. And what girl wouldn't risk her neck - pun most definitely intended - for immortality with Edward Cullen?


#1 - Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)


Who else?

I mean, really. Come on.

There's not even much I can say here other than this:
OH MY GOD MR DARCY IS SO FREAKING HOT AND HE'S ALL STUFFY AND UPTIGHT AND RUDE BUT HE'S REALLY NOT HE'S JUST SHY. AND HOT. TOTALLY HOT. DID I MENTION HOW HOT MR DARCY IS???

I could have filled this whole countdown with Men of Austen, so here are my other favorites: Mr. Knightley (Emma), Henry Tilney (Northanger Abbey), and Colonel Brandon (Sense and Sensibility).

Col. Brandon = the Remus Lupin of Jane Austen, FYI.

But back to Mr. Darcy. AHHHHH!! Squeeeeal! Mr. Darcy Mr. Darcy Mr. Darcy!

YES!!!!!!!!!

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So. Now that I've embarrassed myself -- but not really, because I'd totally do it again, just to have an excuse to spend another evening thinking about The Cute Boys of Literature -- who are your favorites?

7 comments:

  1. Yes, the conference was amazing. If you're the one with blue hair . . . I think I commented on your great red shoes in the breakfast room at the hotel! My bookshelf seems to have nearly all the same books as yours. Happy writing!

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  2. Ah ha! I remember you! Yay, yay, yay!

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  3. Oh, so many cute boys, and so many NEW ones I have to check out. I'm so with you on James McAvoy (haven't read the book yet, so it's all about James McAvoy for me) and I Capture the Castle (LOVE that book, and Reilly from Buffy doesn't hurt the movie), Mr. Darcy, uh-huh, especially the oversexed Mr. Darcy from Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife (if you're into Austen-smut), and I'd have to add Rom Verney from A Company of Swans, and egad, why can't I think of other ones? Huh. I need to make a list too!

    As for the kissing, it's something I've only admitted to myself in recent years, that I do love books with kissing. I think I partly realized it when I discovered I kept writing stories about kissing! By the way, the new name for Goblin Fruit is probably going to be: "Lips Touch." How's that for a kissing book?

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  4. Lips Touch - oh, I love, love, LOVE that!

    And YES to Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife. Must dig that one out again...

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  5. I'm totally with you on the Remus Lupin being sexy thing. I thought I was alone! Who says girls don't like nice guys?

    And also, I have to agree that Col. Brandon is the Lupin of the Austen world, but I'm afraid you'll have to concede that you're a huge nerd now. ;)

    For me, I kind of have a thing for John Seward in Dracula. Sure, Lucy is a vapid tart, but his unrequited love for her (and his attempts to save her from joining the ranks of the undead)are heartbreakingly sweet. Also, I'd like to add that Mr. Rochester and Angel Clare are both punks.

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  6. Eeeee - Stephen! I wept too. And Cassandra was stupid.

    Um, and Gilbert Blythe. I can't help it. My childhood crush has lasted into adulthood even after the wretched tv mini-series Anne Of Green Gables: The Continuing Story (1985's Anne Of Green Gables was the best adaptation).

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  7. So I had to look up who Angel Clare was, and yeah - there's no way I'm reading Tess now! And for whatever reason, I always liked Jonathan Harker in Dracula. I don't think he does anything spectacular one way or the other, but I just LIKED him. I'm the same way with Ichabod Crane. He's actually pretty lame, but I love him anyway. Maybe it's his lanky, grasshopper-y frame.

    And Deb, you've reminded me I need to read Anne of Green Gables again! It's been waaaay too long!

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